March 26, 2008
Summer Strategies
By Patricia Chase
Director of Health and Wellness
During my daughter’s first year in college I sometimes felt as if I were running a bed and breakfast instead of a family home. Her visits took on a pattern of catching up on sleep, hanging out with friends, laundry (yes, she learned to do it herself) and then back to school with promises to catch up more the next time.
Sound familiar?
Believe it or not “the next time” is right around the corner, and even though we are anxious to reconnect, this visit, summer break, will be an extended one that will most likely require some unanticipated adjustments. Throughout their college years our students will leave and reenter our households many times, and with each visit we become more aware that they are not the same children we left at college last fall.
We did expect change, didn’t we? Isn’t an important outcome of college growth? Well, we should all be prepared for some evidence of minor (and some major) growth when our students return to the nest. This past year they may have changed the way they think or the way they look. Some have explored multiple majors and rejected their original career goals. We should expect new philosophies, new political views or new eating habits.
Don’t panic, most of these changes will not be permanent.
Strategies for Summer
Recognize that our children are becoming adults: Let’s face it—they are not in high school any more. They have been practicing independence and learning to think critically this past year. Get to know this new more mature individual. My bet is that their new interests, experiences and goals will impress you.
Become a coach: Listening instead of judging (or offering unsolicited advice) takes practice, but the increased sharing that results when you don’t pry will amaze you. You may experience a new appreciation for your “wisdom” but remember, even though you may know how to solve a problem it doesn’t mean you should do it. Let them make and fix their own mistakes.
Address the two-ton elephant in the room: Was this past year as successful as you had both hoped? Missteps happen. It is not uncommon for a student to struggle academically, socially or emotionally during the first year. In many cases these are the important growth experiences that shape our adult lives, but it may be necessary to create an opportunity for the discussion. If your student struggled academically, see “Under Construction” for a plan to help your student get back on track.
Adopt the mantra “pick your battles:” Our children have been living on their own for many months now, so it is important that we acknowledge their ability to make good decisions even while we are reminding them of important household rules.
Begin by talking: Sometimes there is a tendency to overlook the simplest things. Start summer break on the right foot by having a conversation about expectations. If there are non-negotiable rules, responsibilities, or accountabilities—TALK about them before they become points of contention.
Yes, this summer may have some challenges in store for all of us with rising sophomores (no longer freshmen!). Hopefully, armed with these suggestions, we’ll weather and welcome our changing relationships with our children as we continue to play an important role in shaping their futures.
Contact: Patricia Chase, (989) 463-7225
